Egg Donation & Surrogacy Consulting : Conceptual Options : Theresa Erickson : Embryo Donation, In-Vitro Fertilization

While not all IVF Physicians or Centers request a surrogate to stay on bed rest for a few days after the embryo transfer it is worth planning for. 

Staying in bed and resting for two to three days after the transfer will provide the most ideal surroundings for the embryo.  The transfer itself doesn't require much of you as a surrogate, however the work your body is getting ready to do is huge.  The embryo is far more likely to attach in a calm and quite uterus that one that is bouncing around and having turmoil. 

As a surrogate, I always looked forward to a few days without my kids.  Most of the time I would stay with the Intended Parents either at their home or in a hotel.  This gave us the opportunity to get to know each other better.  I have to admit after the second solid day in bed, I was hurting!  It is amazing how laying still can make an active person so sore.

After having a pregnancy test, whether it was positive or negative, at least I felt like I had given it a gallant effort.  I didn't need to question myself about what I could have or should have done differently. 

It is truly my recommendation that you plan ahead once you have your tentative calendar to make it possible for you to have three undisturbed days in bed. 

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It seems as though the same question keeps getting posed to me by both Intended Parents and Surrogates alike.  Once the match is made what happens? 

When the initial call to a surrogate is made to let them know that there are Intended Parents interested in working with them, the time to meet is usually made within a weeks time.  Before they know it the meeting takes place, the next day (sometimes two) the match is made and then what?  This is when patience plays a big part.  While on the management end of the case, we are busy getting the proper paperwork to the Intended Parents, the surrogate is not seeing any action.

It usually takes about a week before we have the right paperwork returned from the Intended Parents in order to send the surrogate the "Match Agreement".  Once the Match Agreement is signed and returned by the surrogate we will provide her with the Referrals to all the professionals she will need to contact.  It is the surrogate's responsibility to contact the Psychologist and the IVF Center to schedule screening appointments that fit their schedule.  While the surrogate is the person making these appointments, it is also very important for us to know these dates as well. 

Once the screening is complete, it is time for the contracts.  The contract phase can take up to four weeks to complete.  Most surrogates get anxious and begin to worry that something went wrong or did the Intended Parents back out, etc....  This is not the case.  It takes time to draft the contract, then the intended parents need to have contract review with their attorney, then it gets forwarded to the surrogate.  At this point it's the surrogate's turn.  She needs to have contract review with her attorney and then any changes are submitted to the intended parent's attorney and the negotiation goes on until all parties are happy with the contract.  Once the contract is in it's final form, this is when it is signed by each party.

Now that contracts are final, the surrogate may start medication.  Now things feel like they're moving again!  The surrogate will be going to the doctor's regularly for blood labs and ultrasound appointments.  Before you know it the Transfer Day will be here. 

Now that the embryo(s) have been transferred, it's time to wait again.  Most doctor's will perform the blood pregnancy test 10 to 14 days after the transfer of the embryos.  And you thought it felt like forever for the contracts to be complete!!!

This of course is just the start. 

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We all know the basics about what not to do while pregnant;  don't smoke, don't drink alcohol,  don't take drugs, don't clean the cat's litter box, etc.  Did you know that there are foods you should avoid while pregnant?

There are some foods that need to be avoided due to the risk they pose on the growing baby.

Pregnant women should make sure that all meat they eat is fully cooked.  That means no more rare steaks or burgers.  Raw meat can contain salmonella which will make both the mother and baby sick. 

Listeria is a bacteria that can cross the placenta and cause infection or blood poisoning to the baby.  Some soft cheeses like brie, feta and Gorgonzola can contain listeria.  These cheeses don't always use pasteurized milk leaving it susceptible to bacteria.  If you are wanting to eat  these cheeses, check the label to make sure it is made from pasteurized milk, then you and the baby will be safe.  Cold cuts can also contain listeria.  If you heat up the meat before eating it, that will reduce the risk.

Fish has become a concern to pregnant women.  Shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and fish used in sushi are all known for having a higher mercury levels than other fish.  High levels of mercury have been directly linked to developmental delays and in some cases brain damage.  It is also recommended to avoid raw shellfish during pregnancy.

Pregnant women should avoid raw eggs.  Raw eggs can also contain salmonella.  This means no snacking on raw cooking dough or brownie mix!  You may want to use caution with sauces that are made with raw eggs, such as hollandaise sauce.

While I don't want to cause alarm if you have already eaten any of these foods;  I'm sure both you and the baby are fine.  Do take extra precautions throughout your pregnancy.  There are still plenty of delicious healthy choices out there.

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They say every pregnancy is different from the one before.  This is also true when it comes to "morning sickness".  I managed to carry five pregnancies without a single moment of queasiness, yet the last pregnancy was not so lucky.

The mere sight of a food commercial or a certain smell in the air was all it would take to make my stomach turn.  I could prepare chicken because I instantly though about the animal in it's former state!  It is just amazing to me how your body can play such tricks on you.  Even through it all, I had what would be considered a mild case of morning sickness.  I was able to eat  and never had to actually run to a toilet, I was just in a state of queasy.

It can be helpful to eat smaller portions more often.  It has been shown that an empty stomach tends to make your morning sickness even worse.  Your stomach has no food to help absorb the acids so they tend to go crazy making you feel ill.  This is where the name "morning sickness" came from.  Since we do not eat while we sleep, most women feels their worst right when they wake up. 

A few of the foods that seem to work like magic are crackers, melons, pretzels, cheese, nuts, toast or yogurt.  And most of all, remember this condition will not last forever.  The end result is worth the discomfort of today.   

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As we approach Mother's Day, I can't help to reflect on my own life.  While I am a mother, my thoughts always go to my mother, not myself.  I think about the many times throughout my life she held my hand or helped me through difficult situations.  The unconditional love that always presented itself is worth acknowledging.   

As a surrogate it brings a feeling of fulfillment to be able to reflect on the hand you played in allowing another woman to celebrate this day.   I find that this is a great time to make a call or send an e-mail to just say hi. 

Take the time to acknowledge the special woman in your life.  Enjoy your day.

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With summer fast approaching I would like to just remind those of you who are pregnant or are soon to become pregnant the importance of water. 

It is very important not to let yourself get dehydrated.  A pregnant woman should drink 8 eight ounce glasses (64 ounces) of water each day.  I am certain at least one person is thinking "I will be at the bathroom every hour".  While this may be true, it is better to be in the bathroom then in the hospital.

The summer sun can drain your body of it's fluids quickly.  Plan ahead to be certain you will have enough to drink if you are going to be outside for any length of time.  Cooling your body temperature can help you to retain fluids more effectively, however it is not a solution to overcoming dehydration.

Dehydration can cause pre-term labor, miscarriage and hemoraging.  These are serious conditions that could harm the baby inside.  Some of the signs of dehydration include:

• Dark yellow urine
• More frequent Braxton Hicks Contractions
• Dizziness
• Constipation
• Dry skin

If you begin to experience any of these symptoms you should be certain to drink more and consult your physician.  

Have a safe summer. 

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I was in a "Match Meeting" with the Intended Parents and a first time surrogate.  The surrogate's husband sat at her side, with a look like he wasn't sure why he was there.  When I asked the husband if he was prepared to support his wife through the pregnancy he shrugged and said "I'm not sure what to expect".

That is when it dawned on me that while we spend a lot of time counseling and educating the surrogate what to expect, we don't say much to her spouse/partner.  I would like to take a stand for the spouses/partners out there.

Surrogacy is a long process.  The surrogate will be in a relationship with the Intended Parents for at least a year.  It is important that you feel comfortable about who the Intended Parents are.  I would always recommend that you take an interest in getting to know the Intended Parents.  Read their profile and prepare a list of questions for the match meeting.  If there is any information you would like to know, this is the time to ask.

Once the match is made the pregnancy moves forward.  You will the one who is called on when your wife is tired.  You will need to be understanding to the fact that this pregnancy isn't something she can just put aside.  Your extra compassion and understanding will be appreciated whether she verbally tells you or not.

For what ever it is worth, the pregnancy will not last forever.  In time, you will have your wife back.  So take a deep breath and roll with the punches.

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When I first considering being a surrogate one of the thoughts that rang through my head  was "will the intended mother get jealous of me?"  This played a big role in my decision at first. 

My concern was centered around the fact that I was helping a couple with something that the wife was not able to do on her own.  I thought about the scenario of the couple sitting around the kitchen table in the evening hours (while I'm carrying their child), that perhaps they would speak of me.  How would that woman feel? 

Since I really didn't know how to answer this question, I chose to do my first surrogacy for a gay couple (two men).  That eliminated my concern.  While my first time as a surrogate was a wonderful experience from start to finish, I knew I wanted to do it again and this time it would be for a heterosexual couple.

The first time I met the Intended Parents, I knew that my concerns were unnecessary.  Both parents were so thankful that I was willing to do this for them, that there was never anything other than a friendship.  In fact the Intended Mother and I created a lifelong bond that is unlike any other. 

I have enjoyed all my experiences as a surrogate and use these experiences as tools when I talk with surrogates and/or intended parents.  I am hopeful that I can shed a new perspective to someone out there who doesn't know what to expect.

If you are considering surrogacy, but are concerned about the dynamics of the relationship between you and the intended parents, my best suggestion is to be yourself during the initial meeting.  As long as you are yourself, you will provide a positive image to the intended parents and it will be easier for you to determine how this relationship with blossom.

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Any woman who has or is considering becoming a surrogate, has the task of telling their family.  For some women, this is as exciting as reading up on other surrogates.  For others, it's not so easy. 

I was a teenager, about 16 years old, when I knew that someday I wanted to be a surrogate mother.  The idea just floated about in the back of my head for many years.  It wasn't until my husband and I had our family and I knew we were done that the idea resurfaced. 

Before I brought the idea to my husband's attention, I did all the research about it.  I wanted to be sure I could answer all his questions medically, emotionally and about the agency I was considering working with.  This may seem a bit sneaky to do all this research before he even knew the thought was in my head.  But I know my husband, an engineer, who has to know all the answers before considering an idea.  When I brought the idea to him, I was surprised by his reaction.  Once he saw this wasn't a fly-by-night idea, he was quite supportive. 

Now for the other part of our family - My kids.  I wanted them to know what I was planning on doing as well.  How would this affect them?  From what I had researched, I didn't think it would change their lives at all.  My daughter was 8 and my son was 3.  How would I explain this without confusing them about it.  This is how I explained it to them:

I want to help a family have a baby.  I am going to be like a Zoo Keeper.  When a Mommy and Daddy bird lay an egg, the Zoo Keeper takes the egg from the nest.  That Zoo Keeper is then responsible for keeping the egg warm and healthy.  The Zoo Keeper is never the eggs parents, but does everything to care for that egg.  Once the egg hatches, the baby bird inside gets to return to it's Mommy and Daddy.  This is what I am going to do.  I will have a baby in my belly, but the baby will not be ours, once it is born it will go back to it's Mommy and Daddy.

Both of kids have been to the Zoo Nursery enough times that they completely got the idea.  This excited them as much as it excited me. 

I went on to have six (6) children as the Zoo Keeper.  My entire family was supportive through each and every one of the them.   

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So the news is out - Newsweek has put surrogacy on the front cover and now everybody is talking about it.

I think surrogacy is a wonderful option for an infertile couple to achieve parenthood.  I felt like Newsweek has missed this .  Their article is so focused on who and why women become a surrogate mother, yet their interviews and viewpoint are one sided.

I am a middle-class working mother who has also been a surrogate for four (4) families.  My husband and I make a good living, while we are by no means wealthy, I did not choose surrogacy for the money.  For me, surrogacy is a passion.  I love the idea of helping someone achieve a dream through something that is so easy for me to do.  The emotional rewards far out-weigh the monetary aspects. 

Through out my time as a surrogate, I have made many friendships with other surrogates.  A bit of a friendly support group if you will.  We all talk with one another and have compared pregnant bellies.  Of this group of women, none of us are military wives. 

I feel as though Newsweek is misleading it's readers by looking through a magnifying glass at one particular group of people and centering it's article on that.. 

For some women, the financial aspect may be what draws them into inquiring about surrogacy (especially in today's economy), however it is not usually the reason they continue forward with the process.   Experienced surrogates are definitely in it to help someone;  These are women who have a big heart and easy pregnancies. 

As far as the insurance issue goes, I have used my health insurance (provided by my employer) to cover my medical expenses as a surrogate.  With is not segregated to just Tricare Insurance.  

I think any national coverage which can make surrogacy more acceptable in society is a positive thing.  I just hope that as you read the article in Newsweek that you keep an open mind.  

www.conceptualoptions.com  

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Today is Easter Sunday which typically is a day spent with family.  We usually have a quiet morning and then family starts to arrive for brunch and an afternoon together.  While everyone is at our house, the house is loud and the kids are running from one end of the house to the other.  By the evening everyone is ready to relax and sit quietly.

As a surrogate the holidays have an extra special benefit.  All four (4) families I have helped to have children call me on holidays.  All our lives get busy and the surrogate children, just like my own, grow bigger and have busier schedules.  Through out our day to day lives we don't always make the time to call each other.  So when we do get an opportunity to talk for 10 or 15 minutes it is always appreciated. 

Today when I was on the phone it was amazing to me that all but one of the children could wish me a Happy Easter on their own.  This was extra special.  I was able to talk with five (5) of the six (6) kids I had a hand in bringing into the world.  The sixth is too young, but I did get some baby talk out of her as well.  This makes my heart grow. 

It is moments like today that truly make me appreciate all I have. 

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This is a subject I was interested in writing about;  however when I came accross this article, it seemed to cover the subject matter very well.  Life After a Surrogate Birth

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This year there has been a lot of publicity about Surrogacy in India.  While the cost for the IVF process and the Surrogate's compensation is less then here in the United States, Intended Parents are missing out.

Having been a surrogate mother, I can assure you that the Intended Parents are missing out on the entire emotional connection that happens between the surrogate and parents.  I have helped both domestic and international couples.  Regardless of how many miles are between us, there is a an overlap of compassion for each other. 

The parents going to India are not able to build a relationship, share in the pregnancy or participate in the birth with their surrogate.  They never know any personal details about their surrogate, let alone her name.  The surrogates are young women who are interested in the money to create fortune for their families. 

I find this to be a very cold way to have a child.  While I do believe the opportunity for an infertile couple to have a child is a wonderful thing.  I question at what price these parents are paying?

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